Month: October 2024

Some years ago, a friend who was a Dallas Police Department dispatcher and worked on patrol earlier told me that most people have no idea what goes on in our towns. Last week, I confirmed this with our new Duncanville Chief of Police, Matthew Stogner. He had spoken briefly to a group a few months before about an incident the night before. It was something that “No one should ever have to see.” He didn’t say what it was, nor have I asked him. Remembering that I worked for Children’s Protective Services for decades, you can be assured I know of things you don’t want to know.

Well, that was a grim beginning. It just prefaces the fact that things go on outside our immediate experience. Last week, I was in a seminar with Lori Feathers, a co-owner of Interabang Books. She’s their book buyer and a freelance book critic. A bit of googling reveals she’s also an attorney and a Russian scholar. Asked to introduce ourselves and tell our day jobs, we began at my table. I was sitting with a city manager and an ISD superintendent, so real jobs. I shared that I did four or five things, but no one pays me. The person sitting next to Lori changed the intros, however, by introducing her “why.”

Lori’s” why” was stunning. She recently completed a national book award project called the Inside Literary Prize with 300 judges chosen from 12 prisons across 6 states. Texas was not one of those states. Lori’s explanation struck a chord with more than one attendee. Texas prisons have no libraries except for law libraries, she said, and while inmates can read books, those must be approved by the system first. Thousands are not allowed (I hesitate to use the word “banned”). She knew of one inmate, a writer with an MFA, whose lawyer had filed an FOI request on her behalf asking for specific policies that led to restrictions. Lori had heard that a TDCJ employee has to have read the book before it could even be considered. One hates to hear such sad news about Texas. That said, the lack of air conditioning in Texas prisons is a scandal that has never gone away. Yearly work improves conditions, and the rules are in place for maximum temperatures in county jails (85 degrees) but not state prisons. This article has more positive information about educational services while recognizing that heat affects prison employees as well.

What next? What action might improve those lives we know nothing about?

First, I learned about a nonprofit called Inside Books Project. Based in Austin, this group fills requests from prisoners for books, funded by donations and sales from an upscale bookstore. They aren’t new—founded in 1998 and received 501(s)3 status is 2012—and send 30,000 books yearly to Texas prisons. I’ve sent a donation, a dollar per book. A bargain.

Second, I talked to my friend who is a returned offender himself, Charles Mosley. He founded Taqwa Ministries. Last year, my church worked with them to serve a holiday dinner to families of an Oak Cliff school which I wrote about here. Charles did have a comment on the book situation in Texas prisons. His explanation is completely different, and verifiable here. The newest plan for supplying reading materials to prisoners is via Kindles. See if you spot the key words in these two sentences: “The company will provide each eligible inmate a tablet at no cost to them or the state.” And “Users will also have access to legal materials, forms, books, music, and other approved material.” An interesting plan, but if you’re good, you can see the inherent restrictions. Perhaps obviously, the Kindles do not have internet access.

Charles did have an additional comment that adds yet another layer to the discussion: Drugs were being smuggled in on the pages of books. Also verifiable, and not new: This 2019 article discusses the indictment of 11 people charged with soaking pages with drugs like fentanyl and charging $500 each.

So, another “why” comes out. Regardless, other actions are possible. Charles works with groups other than former prisoners. This page describes those, but you can also volunteer to go to prisons yourself. And if you think this is a Christian organization going about helping the downtrodden, you’d be wrong. Here is the meaning of the Taqwa: “an Islamic term for being conscious and cognizant of God, of truth, piety, fear of God. It is often found in the Qur’an.” So, yes, Charles is a Muslim. He’d love to have you as a volunteer.

Full disclosure: I have written on the topic of “banned” books before. Texas prisons are also mentioned. Read “5 Books That MUST Be Banned.” All things considered, introducing Charles may be the better thing for today. There are several women’s prisons near Waco, he reports. One is named for Christina Melton Crain, the only women to have chaired the TDCJ and an advocate for post-incarceration success. You might consider the Seagoville Federal Prison, minimum security, so different rules and a lower heat ceiling—a reasonable 76 degrees.

Two things (one object, one action, both nouns) last week were so different but so memorable that they deserve a post: The Putt and The Quilt. It turns out that, in fact, they have something in common. You may skip to the end now.

Both began long ago, but I am not sure entire histories are needed. (Get to the point! one sometimes silently screams.) Both involve significant learning processes. Both are well out of my skill set, and, I believe, that eternally.

First, the putt. Last week, the oldest member of the Play It Where It Lays Society won the boys golf championship in Europe, competing against other high school students attending Department of Defense educational centers. He’d been preparing for it diligently since the family’s arrival at the first overseas posting this summer. He’d done well in his earlier high school career, the last two years of which were in Colorado Springs. When there and “babysitting,” I had the job of transporting him to various courses before he had a car. His dad has taught him the game, mostly, plus some other instructors and coaches. As with all, the student must love what they are learning, or nothing takes.

Tournaments take many rounds of whatever is being played, and the blow-by-blow of this one doesn’t particularly matter because it is The Putt that everyone will remember. When my son first called, he said he’d tell me about it later. I said no, you’ll tell me now. I can’t stand the “Oh, I have something neat, special, wonderful to tell you … later.” So he apparently shortened the story, per the exceedingly long version the mom heard. Notably, the young golfer forbade parents to attend, but his dad sneaked in for the last hole and got to see The Putt.

Here is a bit from the official article: “Standing on the patio over the No. 18 green at Woodlawn Golf Course on Thursday, a group of coaches and athletes watched as Ramstein’s Grayden Taylor and Stuttgart’s Tyler Korell duked it out in a playoff. Taylor needed to sink a 20-foot put to bogey the hole and extend the boys competition at the DODEA European golf championship.”

The writer quotes the player: “The straight-faced Taylor could not hide his excitement when thinking about it. ‘I felt for a second what Tiger Woods feels, probably,’ he said of making the putt.”

And the coach: “Among that crowd was his coach, Kent Enyeart. And he predicted that not only was Taylor going to sink that putt, but he was going to win the whole thing. The Royal mentor was correct. Not only did the senior wow the crowd by making that pressure-filled shot, but he also parred the No. 10 hole in the second playoff hole to defeat Korell. ‘That putt was incredible,’ Enyeart said. ‘The pressure that he had on him at that point in time, especially with that distance … but there wasn’t a doubt.’”

Picture a golfer with a 20- or 25-foot putt studying all the factors, taking a long time to assess, putting his head down, and, well, putting. (A writer’s moment: Until this very minute I’d never thought of the difference between these two words. Here is an explanation, if you want to know more. The simple answer is that “to put” and “to putt” are the operative verbs.) My son’s explanation of what happened next is beyond my ability to even repeat, much less grasp. Words like “breaking” and so on. Here is a list of slang terms, some of which are probably borrowed from other games, some familiar ones, and some are colorful. One thing that I understood—though the term wasn’t used—is that the putt was almost miraculous. It wasn’t fast like this one by Jordan Spieth, a family favorite because of UT. Or a slow one like Tiger Woods’s here. That said, this one by Jack Nicklaus is actually called miraculous. Maybe it was more like this one.

Thoughts about this, distilled.

1. Everyone knew he could do it. No one except the coach knew if would do it.
2. He is aware of how humbling that moment is, a moment that may be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
3. People come out to watch for this reason. Privately satisfying, publicly electrifying.

On to quilting. The preparations for learning to sew and resulting decisions to be made are extensive: fabric, thread, pattern or design, machine savvy, time—lots of time. Can anyone learn to sew? They say anyone can sing, too, but I doubt that. Two major Texas universities can verify that I can’t. My grandmother began to teach me when I was about 14. She let me choose a fabric, her first mistake. It was black and sepia checks, but it raveled badly. The pattern had a ruffled neckline. Perhaps a bit like this one. It was an obvious frustration to her. But she soldiered on. Her mother sewed beautifully, “as well as a professional seamstress,” but I was only going to meet the “stress” level.

Apart from all the details, the one thing my grandmother was most adamant about was shortcuts: Don’t take them, she said. Her fears were well founded. Her friend’s approach was as different from hers as chalk and cheese (a phrase from perhaps 1390, England, no known basis other than perhaps the alliteration, and leading to another phrase I didn’t know, chalk and talk, a way of teaching.) For example, one way to take up a hem is to simply turn up the one you have and stitch it where you want it. This made my grandmother swoon. The proper way is to take out the existing hem, put on the skirt, take tailor’s chalk to mark the correct length, and turn up with pins all around. A remarkable gadget called, obviously enough, a hem marker, allows you to squirt a bit of chalk around the skirt as you stand in it. Here is a short video with music for no reason other than there’s no talking. This one has two models. A man is describing the attributes of each, but I’m not sure if the video intends to be serious or funny. He has a large red rag tied around his waist, and he demonstrates both on the “skirt.” You can spend more serious time with other videos of your own choosing.

I sewed many outfits in high school and beyond. I own two seriously fine sewing machines. And I’m still (insert negative adjective). But I have many friends who are exceptionally good. One, very dear for very many reasons, decided to make me a quilt. Not a little bitty one but the whole tamale (70”x90”). Each square is differently designed in that there are 22 colors (all have names, presumably) arranged into 20 patterns, each using a set of complementary colors, cut in triangles and squares. One is a pink and rose heart. The backing is a deep blue with gold speckles and lighter blue accents that make me think of the universe, observed from a faraway planet. The sashing is cream with concentric circles and ovals in gold. Finally, the quilting itself is looped circles in darker thread, which brings out the uniting design of the fabric which are dots in shades of gold.

Reading that, I see how inadequate words are. A photo embedded is better, but nothing will equal holding it. And that beauty for another three generations, I hope. Besides the hours (countable but astronomical, so no one counts them) are hard to imagine, but Google seems to think at least 100. Number of stitches? Also countable, but not by me. Google can’t deal with this either, other than divert to crochet or suppose tens of thousands.

Motivation is an entirely different question. Love is the first—and perhaps only—answer. I dislike the word “deserve,” but I don’t see how I possibly could qualify for such a gift of time and effort. Another friend has a friend whose son died after illnesses and other afflictions. He left his affairs disorganized. And the friend herself is struggling with constant pain. So my friend dearly wanted a quilt so she could wrap herself in it and feel loved and not give up. Yes, it’s almost ready, too. The first friend had a quilt top ready, bought the backing and batting, and took it to the long-arm quilter.

What is the value of such a thing as a handmade quilt? This one is $8,000. I accidentally put it in my cart and panicked and signed out of Etsy quickly. The ones found locally are hundreds of dollars. I bought an heirloom double wedding ring one for $5.00 once, after making sure that’s all they wanted. I’ve spent a number of hours stitching worn bits back into place. Value isn’t the point, as you well know. I knew someone whose quilting was displayed at her funeral. The beauty her skill produced left us speechless.

Thoughts received:

1. It is incredibly humbling to receive such a gift, especially when I can’t do more than say “thank you,” lacking the talent to reciprocate.
2. I’m constantly assured I could learn how.
3. Beginning with “why” is sometimes answered “because I wanted to.”

Now the juggling. How are these two in any way alike? It’s not glory of the crowd shouting or a blue ribbon at the state fair.

• It is the satisfaction of something well done, for which you have prepared for years. It may be a moment, or many, than culminate in a mature sense of gratitude for a possibilty that has been realized.

On one hand, who wants to be the victim of random chemicals squirting emotions/reactions/and so on into one’s brain? I have a poem that begins “This Bucket my Body that holds the Me that I Am.” Various things happen to that bucket because it’s “sloshed full of guts” and something about mucilage, in said poem. I just prefer the illusion of thinking I’m in control.

Instead, four hormones are in there creating either happiness or havoc. Any “control” is my reaction to them.

The four: dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin. Let’s begin with the last. Oxytocin’s main role is stimulating birth. It’s given as Pitocin during labor to speed up the process because it increases uterine contractions. Oxytocin also stimulates lactation. Sometimes called “the love hormone,” it is associated with bonding and human sexual response, thereby explaining why the pain of childbirth is forgotten the next time someone feels frisky, after a suitable resting period. There isn’t a suitable supplement because it doesn’t cross the blood-brain barrier easily. Exercise may increase oxytocin production but touch definitely does (see previous sentence). Another odd source is singing in a group. Trust, bonding, a positive outcome—choir folks, please weigh in.

Serotonin lack is associated with depression. The medications that prevent reabsorption of serotonin (SSRIs) are widely prescribed for many conditions. (Sorry. That is vague. Tens of millions of these drugs are prescribed across the world for everything from mood boosting to eating disorders to anxiety to stroke recovery. There is, as always, controversy,) Standing in a cafeteria line at a major hospital once, I overheard a new paramedic tell his mentor that the person he’d just picked up was on “crazy pills” by which he meant Prozac. The other man disabused him of that particular word choice. Children as young as 8 can take it. It’s also good for OCD.

Endorphin is a portmanteau word from “endogenous morphine,” which means our bodies make it and the chemistry mimics what morphine does in relieving pain. As usual, exercise releases endorphins, as does laughter, music (especially dancing), and touch. This article summarizes Norman Cousins work on the laughter-healing connection. He was famous for much more than his illness and is worth reading more about.

Finally, to dopamine. Much can be learned from its moniker “pathway to pleasure.” We can think of it as the reward system of the brain. What stimulates dopamine? “Sex, shopping, smelling cookies baking in the oven — all these things can trigger dopamine release…” Uh oh. Any of those can be a source of addictive behavior. Personally, thrifting is a thrill. Awareness has helped, as well as the recognition I need nothing. So, I’m limiting myself to once a month. For a while, there was almost the conscious “I need to feel better, so I have to go buy something cheap.” It’s under control, now, and I’ve started donating things and money to my two main outlets. In fact, I consider it a win if I don’t buy something.

There is a more negative, more pervasive side to dopamine. Last week I listened to a regular podcast on scripture called Follow Him. In this episode, the guest is Dr. Matt Townsend, a relationship coach. Two things regarding the lesson were, first, turning to look at someone who is talking to you, even for 7 seconds. Research, and so on. The principle is based on “attunement.” I didn’t think I knew the word, but I do, really. Are you “attuned” to someone’s needs? More simply, are you “in tune” with the moment? It almost sounds musical, as does the concept of harmony within it.

The second thing from the lesson that I’ve listened to several times is about dopamine. Somehow, they get on the topic of screen scrolling and the “squirt” of dopamine that we used to get from milking a cow at 4 a.m. An “activity of worth,” he calls it. We get it these days other ways, not many of them positive. Reels, reading news, watching cable—each can cause an addictive release of dopamine. Excessively, it can increase anxiety. One study found that people who watched five hours of reporting on the Boston Marathon bombing had more PTSD than those who were involved. That’s an astonishing outcome.

Suddenly, a lot of things make sense. All the animosity between groups? Self-reinforcing adaptive behaviors from the need to be “right” on a topic enforced by continual news consumption from sources that reinforce your impulse to be affirmed in your rightness. Confirmation bias is the shorter term.

Suddenly, a lot of things need to change. Sometimes we hear the term “dopamine fasting.” But this article says that isn’t really possible. Your body is making these chemicals because it needs them to function. Rather, it seems to be, I need to change my source of pleasure. What happened to substantive reading, to flute practicing, to personal visiting?

Smelling the cookies cooking would involve, first, making the cookies. That’s not a bad thing, but it too has vanished. Change is hard. I am hoping knowing the chemical reasons will make it easier.